How to Support the Man in Your Life to Take the Break He Really Needs

You've probably noticed it for a while now, haven't you?

The way he says "I'm fine" when he's clearly not. The constant phone checking, even during family time. The way he lies awake at 3am, mind racing. The increasing irritability over small things or even worse, checking out of the conversation.

The gradual withdrawal from activities he used to enjoy.

Whether you're his partner, friend, family member, or colleague, you can see that the man in your life is struggling.

He's trying to pretend everything's under control when it clearly isn't.

You want to help, but you don't know how.

Every suggestion gets met with "I'm fine" or "I don't have time for that right now.", the 'it'll be alright' Or a discomfort that both of you find hard to handle when you try to talk it through.

Now this isn't about a crisis service, if you are really really concerned for the person in your life, seek crisis help.

Yet if you are looking for a helping hand. Maybe you found yourself here searching and seeking support for the man in your life.

And this whole talk of Nature - well its sparked a little hope.

Because you know for sure, Nature could be something different. Away from zoom or Teams calls that feel disconnected. Or the container of another office space.

Perhaps a retreat in the wild, was exactly what is needed.

Recognising When Someone Needs Support

Sometimes the signs are obvious – stress-related health issues, relationship tensions, work burnout. But often, men have had to refine being skilled at maintaining the facade that everything's fine. Here's what to look for:

The Subtle Signs:

• Always "busy" but never seeming to get on top of things

• Conversations that rarely go deeper than logistics and complaints

• Increasing reliance on alcohol, work, or other distractions

• Loss of interest in hobbies or activities he used to enjoy

• Physical symptoms like headaches, poor sleep, or digestive issues

• Becoming more reactive or irritable over minor issues

• Social withdrawal from friends and extended family

• Getting angry or irritated over small things being out of control or mistakes.

What they may be able to share with you:

• Expressing feelings of being trapped or stuck

• Talking about work pressure and frustrations constantly

• Tensions increasing in relationships or communication dynamics

• Physical health concerns related to overwhelm, low mood or stress

• Expressing dissatisfaction or confusion with their situation -Saying things like "I don't know who I am anymore" or "Is this it?"

Understanding the Barriers

Before you can effectively support someone to consider our men's retreat or another helping intervention you need to understand why they might resist the idea. It's rarely because they don't want to feel better – it's because of deeply ingrained barriers:

"I Don't Have Time"

This is usually the first response. Most humans these days often feel like they're barely keeping up with existing responsibilities, so taking time away feels impossible. Worth might feel like it comes through productivity and availability to others.

What we know: From those who have attended our retreats they share how the time out has actually helped them fee more focused, energised and have strategies for day to day stresses meaning purposefulness grows despite a few days out from the everyday.

"It's Self-Indulgent"

Prioritising own wellbeing can be scewed as selfish, especially if they're providers or caregivers. They'll spend money on everyone else's needs but struggle to invest in themselves.

What we know: People who attend our retreats experience a shift in thinking when they realise that self-care strategies actually benefit more people than themselves and mean there is more energy and space the 'show up' as the human you desire to be.

"I Should Be Able to Handle This"

There's enormous pressure on men to be self-sufficient. Admitting they need support can feel like admitting failure, weakness, or inadequacy.

What we know: The men that attend coaching or events with us, have experienced how more insight into their emotional needs can mean they are even stronger in life. Its also a time to acknowledge that some pretty handy learning and awareness about how our minds and body's work just wasn't taught to us and that learning even as an adult male, can be an enriching process. Always free of judgement at our events. Plus the extra brill thing about this is our male clients often share their learning even further with kids, spouses and friends so it ripples far and wide.

"I Don't Know What to Expect"

The unknown can be intimidating. Men might worry about forced vulnerability, group therapy scenarios, or having to share things they're not ready to discuss.

What we know: Our retreats our very down to earth and chilled, whilst we see how all the events are therapeutic we are mindful that everyone needs to experience this in their own way. We don't force anyone into experiences and as a trauma-informed coach I would never force those cringy over-sharing circles on people. Instead we'll cultivate natural conversations, deep exploration that doesn't need the whole world and his wife to share your inner stories and also look at how and when opening up can be useful to you without any pressure. We aim to make the style and approach of our retreats transparent, but always welcome questions from people so you can be clear.

"What Will People Think?"

Despite changing attitudes, there's still stigma around men seeking support for mental health or personal development. They might worry about professional or social judgment.

What we know: Some people who attend our retreats will have told EVERYONE about their time and others don't tell a soul. We always check in on photo consent and have had people opt out in the past so they could be present in their own way. What the man in your life will find when he arrives at the retreat is more men in similar situation which we find often helps people feel more open with their attendance. We also actively work to minimise male stigma around hiding mental health and development needs and like to think that everyone who attends our sessions is proud to be part of that so future generations don't have to hide so much.

Financial Concerns

If money is tight, spending on a retreat can feel irresponsible, even if it's exactly what's needed for long-term wellbeing.

What we know: We never encourage anyone to get into debt or financial difficulty by attending our services. But we have also had people join retreats who realise that some of the money stresses come from what they are experiencing on the inside and that investing in mental well-being support might actually be a real gamer-changer - especially where money might be going towards things that feel destructive or unhelpful in the fuller picture. We have deposit schemes and payment plans to help people break down the price of their retreat place.

"Men don't do retreats"

What we know: Sadly the retreat sector is still mainly focused on women. Or you see those full-on-masculine-brotherhood retreats aimed at men that just don't resonate or appeal to the man in your life. Its exactly why we create our men's retreat this year. To help change this misconception.

Why shouldn't men benefit from some time and space out for personal development and well-being?

Starting a conversation

I wrote this blog because I realised that many of the men we coach discovered us through a recommendation from a partner or friend/colleague or family member who discovered Where the Mind Grows and thought 'oooh I know who can benefit from that'

So here are things they or the man in their life - who has worked with us- have shared about what worked.

Timing Matters

Don't bring this up during an argument, when he's stressed about work, or in front of others. Choose a moment when you're both relaxed and have privacy.

The more casual the better, flash up an email or even this blog to him. Send a link in a text or WhatsApp or ask - what do you think of this?

Focus on What You've Observed

Instead of: "You need help" or "You should go on a retreat" Try: "I've noticed you sharing how stressed you feel lately" or "You mentioned you're not sleeping well – I'm worried about you"

Make It About Care, Not Criticism

Instead of: "You're always grumpy" or "You never want to do anything anymore" Try: "I love seeing you relaxed and happy" or "I can see how hard you're working to keep everything together"

Offer Specific Support

Instead of: "You should take some time for yourself" Try: "I saw this retreat that might give you some space to think. I could handle things here for the weekend"

Know the support they need, may not be WTMG

Whilst it would be great if we and this retreat were for everyone. That might not be the case and whilst I agree it does sound fabulous (I appreciate I am very very biased) helping the man in your life find the right support may mean opening up questions like 'What do you think could help you?' Or helping them find a few options from Therapy to this retreat and letting them have time to consider.

Practical Ways to Support Their Decision

Remove Practical Barriers

• Offer to research retreat options and present a shortlist

• Handle logistics like booking, directions, and packing suggestions where they are hesitating - making sure that they are still leading on it being what they want and don't feel forced.

• Work on a plan of managing responsibilities so they can take time out.

• Arrange childcare, pet care, or elderly parent care to make space

• Make it clear that home will be managed in their absence

  
  

Address Financial Concerns

• Suggest it as a birthday, Christmas, or anniversary gift contribution if viable.

• Offer to contribute financially if possible

• Help them see it as an investment, not an expense

• Look into payment plans or more affordable options

• Explore a switch in spending priorities

• Consider the sharing cabin option with a friend so he can save as well.

  
  

Provide Emotional Support

• Reassure them that taking time for themselves isn't selfish (and talk through potential benefits to attending)

• Acknowledge what has been happening and how the retreat could help with that (In a non judgmental way)

• Express confidence in their ability to handle new experiences

• Let them know the benefit its having for you in them considering it

• Share the excitement and have fun with the idea of it

Give Them Permission

Sometimes people need explicit permission from the people they care about. Say things like:

• "I'd love you to do this for yourself if it feels good"

• "We'll be absolutely fine without you for a few days, maybe it will help us all"

• "You deserve to do this for your yourself "

• "I think this could really help you"

• "What's the best that could happen?"

  
  

What to try and avoid:

Don't Make It ALL About You

Avoid phrases like "I need you to be less stressed" or "Your mood is affecting the family." While these might be true, they add pressure rather than offering support.

Don't Give Ultimatums

"Go on this retreat or else" creates resentment and pressure. The decision needs to feel like their choice.

Don't Overshare Their Business

Resist the urge to tell friends or family that he's considering a retreat unless he's comfortable with that. Respect his privacy.

Don't Expect Immediate Transformation

A retreat isn't a magic fix. Support the process rather than expecting dramatic overnight changes.

Though also be aware that significant changes can happen and be open to new responses and positive changes you'll need to navigate together.

Don't Take ALL the Credit (Unless its playfully done)

If he does go and benefits from it, resist saying "I told you so" or "I'm so glad I convinced you." Let it be a shared achievement, or if your dynamic allows be playfully smug and humorous about it.

Supporting Different Types of Men

The Sceptical Partner

They might dismiss retreats as "touchy-feely nonsense." and 'woowoo for hippies'

Focus on practical benefits like stress management, better sleep, and physical health, connection and time in Nature. They can look into the feedback from other men on my page.

The Workaholic Friend/Partner

They'll say they're too busy. Help them see that two nights, three days away might actually make them more effective at work. Emphasise the productivity and focus benefits.

The Stoic Family Member

They might say they don't need help from anyone. Frame it as adventure, learning, or skill development rather than therapy or support. But also accept they may not be ready for this yet and have to want it themselves enough to attend with free will.

The People-Pleaser Colleague

They'll worry about letting others down. Actively reassure them that their responsibilities will be covered and that their wellbeing matters too. These individuals may also be anxious about attending somewhere with people they don't know explore the opportunities these new connections could have and remind them of the skilled facilitation that helps to make the group culture feel natural and enjoyable.

When They Say Yes

If they agree to consider or attend a retreat, your support doesn't end there:

Before They Go

• Help with practical preparations without taking over

• Express excitement and confidence in their decision

• Reassure them about any lingering concerns (encourage them to get in touch with any questions from the organiser)

• Make sure they know you're celebrating them for taking this step

  
  

While They're Away

• Resist the urge to check in constantly

• Handle everything you said you would handle and seek help yourself if needed.

• Give them space to have their own experience

• Trust that they're exactly where they need to be

  
  

When They Return

• Let them share what they want to share in their own time

• Notice and acknowledge any positive changes you observe

• Support any new practices or insights they want to implement

• Resist the urge to analyse or interpret their experience

The Ripple Effect of Your Support

When you support a man ( or any one for that matter) to prioritise his wellbeing, the benefits extend far beyond him. Partners often report feeling less like they're carrying everything alone. Children see a father who's more present and engaged. Friends experience someone who's more available for genuine connection. Colleagues work with someone who's less stressed and more collaborative.

Your support in encouraging this commitment (financial and time) in his wellbeing is actually an one in your relationship, your family, and your shared future.

If They're Not Ready

Not everyone will be ready to consider a retreat, and that's okay. You can't force or manipulate someone to prioritise their wellbeing, and choose your idea of personal development but you can:

• Continue to express care and concern when appropriate

• Model healthy boundaries and self-care yourself

• Keep the door open for future conversations

• Focus on supporting them in small ways they will accept

• Signpost to a a variety of help to support them to find their best fit.

• Seek your own support with challenges you face.

• Take care of your own wellbeing so you don't burn out trying to help

  
  

Remember, sometimes planting the seed is enough. They might not be ready today, but knowing you support them in taking care of themselves matters.

Four years after our initial discovery call, a male client I work with emailed - from our original email - with the words 'I am ready to commit to sessions, can we explore this please'

A Final Thought

Suggesting a nature retreat isn't about fixing someone or telling them they're not working.

It's about challenging the stigma that men don't need spaces for growth and well-being and recognising that exploring things independently can mean he can find his own solutions for a happier, healthier, hopeful life.

Your support might be exactly what gives him permission to take the step he's been considering but hasn't felt able to take. Sometimes we all need someone who believes in us enough to say, "have you considered this?"

The trees are waiting. The birds and frogs don't judge. And sometimes, that's exactly the space someone needs to remember who they are underneath all the pressure they've been carrying.

Your support could be the catalyst that helps someone you care about reclaim and reconnect themselves and their well-being for happier times.

Whether they're ready now or need time to consider it, knowing you believe in them can be a vital part of exploring self-leadership and change.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THIS YEARS MEN'S RETREAT Dùthchas

FOLLOW THIS LINK HERE

Dùthchas Tuesday 7th to Thursday 9th October 2025, Little Seed Field, Near Ripon North Yorkshire

Facilitated by JK McQuinn- Where the Mind Grows, in collaboration with some amazing and talented wild and wonderful humans! Check out the page event for more details.